so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
