One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
