sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
