You work out of a Hotel?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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