my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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