i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
