mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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