we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
