Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
