I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
