I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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