Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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