Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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