She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize