no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
