What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
