What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
