That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
