yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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