It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
