I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
