Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
