so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I need to sanitize my soul.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
