and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
