Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
