I'm drive I can fine osifer
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
