I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
