no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
