We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
