This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
