Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
