talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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