$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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