my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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