and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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