He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I stole a fireplace last night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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