just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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