xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Help. Why am I so naked?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
