why didn't you poke me back
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
