My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
