Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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