Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
