If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just want nice things and good sex
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
