I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
