Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
