from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
