I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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