I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
