I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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