I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
