So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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