your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
