I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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