i would punch a child for taco bell
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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