That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my shit smells like andre
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
