Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
