she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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