You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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