dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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