Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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