apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
