where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
