I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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