worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
