chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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