I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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