Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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