i wish there were pregnant emoticons
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
