if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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