I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
