you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
