Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize