Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
