I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
