So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
