How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i out mim tonsoeep
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