I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
