it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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