I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
