You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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