the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
